Facing the Battles

                                           One day at the mall I decided to look around a gadget store. I found grow a boyfriend. I thought it was so funny. Though that day I decided not to buy it. After taking a picture holding it, I posted it online. I got asked if I brought it. I regretted not buying it. I finally a week later I found it online and order it for a penny. It is a cheap date.          For many years I always had bad luck with guys. I end up just friends with guys, or finding guys that are not relationship material. I met a bunch that are just looking for hook ups, cheaters, liars, stalkers, drunks, or drug addicts. I been through it all.  One time I was in a relationship went to the movies valentines day and had to pay for myself. I thought really? I once had a bad blind date experience set up by someone related to me. We met at...

1) I was out in Long Island. Near my best friends house. I call her up crying. Me: My brand new car the battery died. We are by your house. I have a problem. My brother and I called a tow truck. I need you to pick up me. There's no room for me in the tow truck. So can you drive me home. My friends father comes out of their house so he can move his car. Then my friend can get to her car. When her dad opens the door my brother & I are at her door. Her dad laughed. I go shh . So he tells her I'm moving my car. Come outside to move yours. She find us outside her door dying of laughter. 2) I went to the outlets. On the way back I stopped with my brother at my best friends house. She had no clue we were there. Her window was open. My brother goes and shuts it closed. She hears it closed. She figured it was the wind or something. Two second after she opens it again, my brother shuts it closed again. She goes to open it again. My brother shuts it again. She goes to...

This happened a few years ago. A family member whom I'm not even close with and barely ever see. So she tells me she has the perfect guy for me to meet. The guy calls me. We spoke on the phone. He was really quite so I figured ok he is shy. He asks me if I can meet him 2 days later. I wasn't even thrilled. I tell him ok and to meet me by a local restaurant by my house. The day arrived I go to meet him. He calls me are you here. I said almost. He tells me he outside the restaurant wearing black pants and what not. So I figured I cross the street look for him walk past first in case I don't like him. That wasn't the case. I cross the street he's not even there. He was around the block. So I stand and wait. I see a guy walk and stop in front. Looking like he's looking for someone. We ended up looking like are you ...? He goes hi. I take out my phone when he wasn't paying attention texting my bff omg this is a nitemare already. I didn't know how ...

Want to wish everyone a happy st. paddy's day! Today is the one day you can actually eat green bread, green eggs, green bagels. Most of all I hope it's not mold! Well last yr I great a great st patty's day experience. I was on the train in the city. The guy next to next start throwing up. Now good thing I moved a min before he started. So be careful of those drunks.

Haha I don't even know where to start telling this story. Well I slept out at now I'll say an ex's house. My mom would never call every time I slept there. Yet she always thought I was sleeping at one of my girlfriends houses. So one morning she decides to call about 30 times while we were sleeping. To her it was a normal time to call , to us it was to early. Well she only called because I told her I needed a ride, the night before to see my friend that was visiting. Yet she was going out to meet up with my aunt and uncle in the same direction. She wanted to know if I was still going. Finally we wake up. pm time. I look at my phone with like 30 missed calls. I'm like hum I'll call back. Shh I'm going to play a joke. I so go on this whole story how I'm in jail. I got married last night at chase bank. Yet in Africa. My mom kept asking if I'm ok? Asking do I need to get picked up? I'm crying that I need help. watch the video http://www.youtube.com/watch...

For years I had a twitter account. I didn't know I had one, seriously. One day on MTV P-diddy mentions twitter. I was thinking what is twitter? I go on apparently I have an account. What? When did I join I thought to myself. I go to my old neighbor can I tweet Me-12:05 I went to the bathroom 12:06 I pooped !2:07 wipped my ass 12:08 flushing the toilet 12:09 washed my hands My neighbor you forgot to say you pulled up your pants .. Me- haha opps ..!!! Once in a blue moon I would sign on. I always thought it was the dumbest site on earth. I would call it the stalk celeb site. Though now we have 4square another site for stalkers. I don't know whats worse. Well now the past few days thanks to two of my friends I been on twitter. I reunited with twitter. I learned how to tweet back with someone. Though I was thinking what do these # signs means everyone is doing? Then they have popular topics with these number signs. I'm thinking huh? Now finally I get it. Its to have a feed on...

I did this a few weeks before April fools Me- ( calling my cousin) Hey what's up? My cousin- nothing much , going out soon. Me- I'm actually near your house. I'm by the pizza place. My cousin- What are you doing by my house? Why are you at the pizza place. Me- I came out by you just to the pizza place (yet the pizza place is 20mins away) My cousin- oh my god we are actually going there. Wait 5 mins Me- okay My aunt- Hi your by our house at the pizza place? Me- yes My aunt- I just placed an order there to pick up. Wait 5 mins we'll be right over. Me- okay I'll be waiting in the pizza place (10mins later my phone rings) My cousin- the lot is so full. we are looking for parking Me- I know the lot is full. We drove around looking for parking too My cousin- We are in the pizza place now were are you? Me- I'm in the supermarket My cousin- Foodtown Me - yea my mom had to run in for a few items. I'll be in the pizza place in 5mins My cousin- okay hurry up...

This happened a month or two before the superbowl Dad-u going 2 watch the super bowl this yr they're going 2 have a good half time? Me- who's playing? Dad-Oh u knew. Me- huh what do u mean, I don't know who? Dad- who Me- I don't know who's playing, u tell me? Dad- Who. Me- but who your not telling me who. Dad- Who's playing Me- Who who? Dad- Who Me- Who is playing though? Dad- The who music group u heard of them? Me- Oh yea, y didn't u tell me the who music group? I thought u were asking me who was playing ..

No need for a gps. Just call human mapquest! A lot of my friends every time they are lost they call me. I barely ever get lost anywhere. I can go to a place once and remember how to get there. They tell me where they are and I tell them how to get to the place. My brother & his girl friend call me up. Hey I'm lost! Hey human mapquest speaking. There dying laughing. Where are you? My brother says by a tree. Haha nice landmark I say. I'm lost he says. I'm like where are you trying to go? He says Port Jefferson. I want to get there from the mall. I think we past a highway. I don't know. I said you mean the blue point? He says maybe you think I know. I'm by a tree. Did you pass Mario's? No don't think so okay go straight. Make a right. My brother now I see Mario's. Okay go straight stay on that road you will hit Port Jeff. Eileen your a life saver he says. Now you got us from the tree to Port Jeff!

This happened a few years ago. I'm out with my friend Jen. I call one of my guys friends up as a prank. I was crying. My friend : Are you ok ? Me : No. I'm at the mall. I lost Jen. My friend: you lost Jen in the mall? Call her. Me: I can't call her. I have her cell phone. My friend: go to the mall security. Tell them to put it on the speaker. Me: I can't the mall is closing. All the doors are locked. I don't know what to do. My friend: omg walk around the mall. Me: I can't .They locked the doors. Maybe she is stuck in the the mall. My friend: wholy shit what if she is stuck inside the mall? Me: what do I do? I'm in tears. She's my ride home. My friend: I feel bad. Try to find her. Me: I can't , omg (as more tears and crying acting) . What if she ends up sleeping in the mall? My friend: I really hope you find her. Me : me too. My friend: Let me call you back in a min. Me: ok My friend: calls back. Did you find Jen? Me: no! My friend: wholy shit! I ...

My friend & I got into a covo about library's. She said & her friend past a library in LA. Her friend wasn't sure what the place was. I bring up to my friend so you know the library in Byrant Park. For many years I didn't even know it was a library. I always thought it was a tourist attraction. My friend laughed. She said what kind of tourist attraction did you think it was? I said I dunno one I never been too. I figured that's were they hold the NYC fashion shows. Like come on does it look like a library? I always see the back of it from the the 6th ave side. Three or four years ago I actually walked past it on the 5th ave side. I'm looking at the building. I see that it says NYC public library. I'm looking & thinking maybe that means the library is across of street. I knew nothing was next to the building. I was wondering why on earth it says NYC library. After a few mins when I realized it wasn't across a street, this is the library...

The first time in my life that I been to a hibachi restaurant. My uncle wanted to go. I figured I sit and watch them eat. First thing when I walk in. I'm thinking to myself wow there tables are weird. Usually I sit across from a person. Then there's a big grill in the middle of the table. My cousin tells me they cook in front of you. I'm like really. That's awesome. The chef comes over. He starts the fire. Right after he puts his hand though the fire. I go excuse me, but why would you put your hand through fire? I would never want to burn my hand I said. He looks at me and smiles. I really thought something was wrong with him. Next he juggling knifes. Then he flips an egg up and catches it with his chef shirt pocked. I start to think okay your magician. Why are you working here? I'm like this is awesome I get a free magic show! Then he starts to put a few things on the grill. I had no idea what he was making. He then mixes the food. Then handing my co...

An old friend of mine takes me to Hooters. Yes Hooters. She tells me they all kinds of food. We are sitting looking at the menu. Me- there's no chicken fingers on the menu. my friend- ( pointing at the menu) see right here me- no that's says buffalo fingers not chicken fingers my friend- There the same thing me- no it's not. buffalo fingers and chicken fingers are not the same my friend- yes they are me- no buffalo fingers is made from buffalo. chicken fingers are made from chicken my friend- no I swear it's the same, ask the waiter me- I asked the waitress. She looked at me like are you serious. I said yes. The waitress said it was the same. I'm just like whatever Now I want them plain. I get them plain. Hum they taste plain. My friend- dip them in sauce. Me- I don't like sauce. I like them plain. Just this is to plain.