Facing the Battles

I been home now from the hospital almost two weeks . Now I been a very positive person , happy , but now I been a mess. "Sometimes I want a scream and shout and let it all out".  It is an emotionally rollercoaster even more once your home. I breakdown and can relate to Lea Michelle's song cannon ball. Though it's great to have your own chair and bed again. My parents don't help me much. I have to walk to the bathroom in pain. All I want to do is sleep. Then when  I wake up try to have fluids. Take more pain med and fall back asleep. I had knee issue before hand so it is hard for me to stand and walk even more now. Since the surgery my back has been killing. I had an open cut up high, so I am walking hunched. I can't stand straight .  I did get a mini fridge that has been helpful and closer to me to get too. I have steps in my house. Though because of pain meds making me dizzy and my knee it is easier.  I also came home on antibiotic cirpo. Then a few days late

Starting sept 22 I had to do a two week liquid diet before surgery. I thought it be harder then it was. I had 4/5 protein shakes a day (gnc lean shake, 310 nutrition )I had chicken broth and added a few sliced carrots. The day before surgery it was a clear liquid diet. I had protein water shake from vitamin store, chicken broth, and ices. I had to do some prep also. I thought it be worse .  Oct 6 5:30am I'm at the hospital. I went into surgery. I was little nervous. Once your put out you don't even know what goes on. I got into recovery, I was very sleepy. I know when I finally did wake up I was gagging a lot. I had a few different nausea medicines. Finally I got a patch that helped me . I don't remember all that much. Drs past me and my parents I was in la la land. The nurse kept checking on me.  Later on prob closer to 10:30pm I got a room. I had a great nurse took my vitals and let me sleep.  Of course you wake up with so many ivs, yet you only remember one put in.  So I

We all heard the news MTV hits will be playing old tv shows. Yes now that includes trl.  I am so happy. This was my teenage life. When trl was on tv everyone knew music and watched videos. Back in the day it was all about music not reality shows.  Yes I was the girl that cut Hs school just to go to MTV. I been on so many MTV shows and eps. I used to stand outside with posters. I used to get up into the studio all the time . I used to meet every celebrities that was on the show. I thought it was the cool life. I knew all the vjs. Carson Daly even mentioned me after one of the videos played on tv. Used to hang out with Jesse Camp. We had a group. We always meet up.    I remember back in Hs I had people come up to me in the hallway omg I saw you on tv.  Even when MTV went on there summer locations, such as the beach house in the hamptons I was there.    It brings back so many memories with the show back on . I always had a good time. My most embarrassing time there was being on camera , t

The world today is so disgusting. People are viewed more based on their looks then personality. The world has become very judge mental .  For instance dating sites . Both men and women look at people's pictures not knowing them personality . Many people will only swipe or click on your dating profile based on your picture. So if someone thinks your hot or cute they will message you. If someone isn't as attractive then people will not click their page. It's all about personality and knowing someone . Giving someone a chance . How many people actually read someones profile. I'm not on any dating sites. I remember when I was over 2 1/2 -3 years ago, people would message me. Right away I knew they clicked because they liked the picture. They never read my profile based on messages I got.  More and more people today use dating sites just for hook ups. Which I find disgusting .   Now if I was on a dating site and this was my picture . I would never get messages. No one would